How can we truly know ourselves? How can we intimately understand our desires, values, wants, needs, and goals?
I’ve learned that a deep understanding of self only comes during the quiet. Not the moments where you find yourself alone, bored, and scrolling, but the moments intentionally built to experience yourself.
Throughout my life, I’ve struggled to feel comfortable in my skin. Particularly in early high school, I found it challenging to speak up for myself and be confident in my skills and abilities. To push me to overcome this, my lacrosse coaches gave me a homework assignment: eat a meal at a restaurant alone. no phone. no book. Just sit there and eat and soak in your surroundings and thoughts.
Excuse me?
At 16 years old this was an Everest-sized task. However, I did it. It was scary and hard and I felt so incredibly awkward. I thought everyone had to have been staring at me, thinking about what a loser I was. That was the first time that I was forced to sit with my thoughts and question if I believed them or not. Am I a loser for eating alone? For being 16 and having a job so that I can buy a meal for myself? To be 16 and be able to be kind to myself? Absolutely not. I was brave and beautiful and strong.
Ever since that first meal alone, I was put on a trajectory of self-reflection and self-trust. The more time I’ve spent in the quiet, the stronger my intuition and inner voice has become. The only true big mess-ups in my life have happened when I have ignored intuition in favor of ego.
The ego says “do whatever it takes to be liked and accepted”, “be the good girl”, “don’t shine too bright”, “don’t stand out”. Respectfully, fuck that. The ego exists to keep us alive, not to thrive. The ego doesn’t want what is good for us, it wants what is normal for us.
This leads back to the original intention of this ramble – we must create quiet and introspective moments in order to challenge the ego and strengthen the intuition. The stronger our intuition is, the more difficult it is to ignore it in the LOUD of life.
So, I leave you with: create quiet moments. Go for a walk without headphones, meditate in the morning sun, enjoy a coffee and watch people go by, visit a museum alone. Within all of these moments, listen to yourself. What is your body saying? What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
I know more than anyone that it is uncomfortable at first, but over time you’ll start to crave the quiet. Crave the moments where there are no thoughts but your own. You’ll run inwards during challenges and crossroads to ask “what do I actually want?” rather than solely seeking the advice of others.
In the midst of this life, listen to yourself. You are innately wise and the captain of your ship. You have the power to build a beautiful relationship with yourself all thanks to the quiet.
Be great y’all
Kendall